I think I will take time to write out my "how I want to be treated as a metamour" thoughts this weekend.
Def share it when you do! I'd love to see other people's examples. I keep precontemplating it. In my world, I never had to deal with it direct as a dating single. Not at all yet as a dating married -- we haven't been
dating as marrieds. So whole other arena.
In the old thing -- BF1 (now DH) never exercised his option to see others even though we were not exclusive. So his "house next door" always stayed vacant. BF2 was LDR, so I never had to see or meet or deal in his Others directly either. I only heard about them second hand from him when he expressed "Argh!" to me to vent. But it had no direct correlation to my life, really.
So now that we take our sweet time discussing Opening Up someday when we're not active parents maybe -- I have to think about that Meta thing being territory that needs covering. This time it could play out different, so no point in being all ostrich about it.
Being a poly single dating is so different than being a poly married dating. Pace is waaaaay slower when you tend 8 buckets rather than 4. Gotta keep to minimal sloshing so everyone's mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual healths aren't shaken up TOO horrible. Who is in it for horrible?! LOL.