Dude why argh.
I'm not going to go into the whole story, but basically Eric's FWB, Liza, is an untrustworthy, sketchy drama queen. She hasn't directed any of her sketch at him specifically yet, and maybe she never will, but why wait for it???
Gia and I talked about it, she's unhappy about the situation but is willing to let him make his own mistakes as long as he maintains tight personal boundaries, uses protection unfailingly, and doesn't have her over the house. There's no reason whatsoever to think that he won't follow these guidelines perfectly, but I'm still not cool with it.
You shouldn't fuck a scorpion.
It straight up makes me lose some respect for him, that he's so lacking in personal standards. It makes me feel like intimacy means nothing to him, if he's willing to share it with someone he has no reason to respect or trust. And y'know what, I know I'm right, I know it's just fucking to him, and that thought makes me unhappy. Why? Because when we have sex, it's more than just fucking to me, and I have no reason to think that it means anything to him, and to be reminded that he's perfectly happy for sex to mean nothing, it just, it doesn't make me fucking happy. A meaningless one-night-stand, fine. But to see someone on an ongoing basis, I don't get how you can want to continue it unless there's some resonance there. We're just built differently, I guess. Or maybe he does find resonance and connection with her, somehow.
I just don't know, dude. I was going to ask Davis and Gia, in turn, how they would feel about me and Eric hooking up on our own, but I'm not even sure I want to now.
I haven't said anything to Eric about Liza. Not sure if I should. On the one hand, as a friend, I think he's making a mistake. On the other hand, I wouldn't be telling him anything he doesn't already know, so he's obviously ok with things. Plus, people can get really touchy about other people criticizing their choice in partners, and I don't think he would appreciate it. Like, I get the feeling on occasion that he doesn't necessarily like Davis (I could be wrong, he could be indifferent), but he's never said anything about it, I think he would consider it rude and overreaching to do so. If I feel that strongly that his partner choice isn't acceptable to me, I can always just choose to not be intimate with him and explain if he asks. My preference, of course, would just be to straightforwardly tell him what I think, but he's just so fucking closed off about so many things and keeping a chill relationship with him is important to me.
Idek. What the hell is he thinking?
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.