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Old 09-06-2012, 10:14 PM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
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First-
what are you afraid of?

Second-what are your HARD LIMITS regarding relationships?

Third-what are your SOFT limits?

Fourth-what lessons do you want to teach your child-they start learning from birth.
Compare that to what you ARE teaching him.

Kids often repeat the pattern of relationship they see their parents in. For example, kids whose parents are abusive-tend to get in abusive romantic relationships.
So, be real, what lesson will you be teaching your child?


As for dealing with jealousy-I found that the best thing I could do was to focus on ME. What did I want? What did I need?

For example: I NEED uninterrupted time with my lovers. SO, we have a rule, no phones or computers during meals, bedtime, family time or date times. That means NO TEXTING and NO CALLING. Period. If that infringes on getting to know someone-then it's time to realize that
WE ARE NOT SINGLES who are dating-
WE ARE MARRIEDS that are dating (you can replace marrieds with TAKENS)

The point is-that dating and getting to know people IS A BIT DIFFERENT when you ALREADY HAVE COMMITMENTS AND RESPONSIBILITIES. It may go slower the "getting to know them" process.

BECAUSE-you don't get to STOP taking care of your responsibilities to do the "getting to know them" or the dating.

Also;
I need to know OUR time and OUR relationship is valuable and meaningful to BOTH OF US.
Therefore, we have a once a week date. Not always the same day/night. Not always the same activity or place.
BUT-if for some reason our OTHER responsibilities make it impossible for US to have our date time-we don't plan date times with anyone else.
The reason for this IS NOT competition or heirarchy-it's because it's important for us to remember that we don't get to automatically take away from OUR special time together anytime work or school or kids need us-and always keep our "special time" with others.

Furthermore-our time with other people is not always "responsibility free". We can have a romantic one on one date with someone else once a week. But-we have kids to care for. SO if they aren't willing to spend their time with us taking care of kids and parenting-then they don't get as much time with us.
BECAUSE we DO NOT EVER give up our individual responsibility to caring for our kids daily. I happen to NOT work and DH works full time. But-our time with the kids is split even. When he is off work-it's HIS TURN to foster his relationship with the kids.
This has resulted in "dates" at the swimming pool teaching the kids to swim, or at the park pushing kids on swings or playing frisbee, dates at the house with extended family bbqs and new years eve fire works displays.
Not all date times with other people are "romantic personal time" because again-we aren't single adults with no kids. We are marrieds with kids. If people want to date us-they need to be ready to be a part of that reality.
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