My wife and I were struggling to find people as well. Then we went to some local gatherings and a few BDSM parties. Turns out, they were all hiding there! *shrug*
You should look for groups in your area. I'm sure some of the Californians on this site will have some tips of where to look. I know meetup.com is a good place for some of that stuff.
"Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is the regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable." - Sydney Smith
Kyle: 27 year old male
Katie (rymmare): 25 year old female
Kids: girl: 5 years old, boy: 3 years old