INCREDIBLY new to this and needing help dealing with jealousy issues
My fiance and I have been together for 4 years. We live together and have a 5 month old son. About 2 years ago, he brought up the idea of being poly and as someone who firmly believed in being mono, I flipped out. I wondered (and still do sometimes) why am I not good enough for him? How can you love two people at once? What if he loves Her more than me? Will he leave me? He understood my concerns, assured me that he'd never leave and for two years, only brought the idea up a few times.
Fast forward to a month ago.
A (my fiance) and I were constantly arguing and I had concerns he was cheating on me. One night, he comes home, wakes me up out of my sleep, and tells me he needs to talk to me. After a long, uncomfortable silence, he proceeds to tell me that he made out with someone he works with, a woman that I used to work with. I, of course, got angry but was grateful for his honesty. If only I knew the real reason behind it.
I later (approx. 3 days later) learned that this young lady was who he was interested in and they'd been talking for a while. He arranged for us to all meet, have drinks, and talk the situation. I had my objections, but for him I agreed to it. This has been much harder than I anticipated. I have major self-esteem issues (which I am working on) and was already fearful of him wanting someone else. The way he looks at her tears me up. He's constantly texting her when he's with me and, though I understand he is building a new relationship and these are the things he must do to get to know her, I can't help but get jealous. Also, I work full time and the both of the are part time so they spend more time together than he and I do. I have told him it's okay for them to have sex when I'm at work because I felt like it would be selfish of me to want to sleep with him while she's not around and she can't do the same. When I know they're together, however, I get so upset it makes me sick to my stomach. I've been very emotional and it's beginning to take a toll on me.
Basically, I need to know where to begin with coping with this jealousy. I don't want to become so jealous that I push him away.
I apologize for this long, drawn out post but I have no one besides A to talk to about this and as far as I know, he is new to this as well.