I don't think that it's right to force "equals" onto any relationship - letting each grow at their own pace into whatever they will be is absolutely the best way to go.
And, the old poly mantra - communicate - communicate your needs, wants and likes, and encourage them to communicate theirs. Nobody is a mind-reader and guessing takes a lot of energy.
The other vital part of poly for me is self-knowledge - understand not only what you are and aren't comfortable with but why. Understand the triggers. Does your boyfriend want to have relationships with others in the same way you do? If he doesn't, then your unwillingness to let him becomes kind of moot. It's another one of those "don't force equal" things.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb