I've made a decision, faced a fact, come to a realization. For me the whole poly thing is a huge mistake. I regret that Lovely got hurt in the process. Truly I do, I wish there was a way to fix that, but there isn't.
I really have to give kudos to those of you who make this work because I don't think I can. I have neither the time, the energy, nor (I'm sure) the inclination to do what is necessary to balance all of the ups and downs of more than one relationship at a time. At least not while married. There were times before I married that I had multiple relationships all going at the same time, and that was great. But, I didn't have to live with any of them.
But this? No. This didn't work.
I deleted my profile off of OKC last week. I had actually mostly forgotten about it. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that. I hadn't been on there in weeks anyway.
There are other reasons that go into this.... I have a chronic illness that saps my energy, especially when I have a flare up. It's hard enough to take care of my immediate family, house, jobs, and pets with that going on. I'm pretty sure that my son got Asperger's Syndrome from me as I don't handle too many people in my space very well and I need LOTS of quiet/alone time. Sometimes I don't have much of a libido and start to think of sex as a chore to be accomplished instead of something fun to do.
So! Back to monogamy for me with perhaps the occasional friend with benefits thrown in. But, no, I'm not going to try to have A Relationship with anyone other than Bear.
Not even the hawt redhead that's chasing me again.
Pinky, 41, f, bi. Married to Bear, 42, m, straight.
Not dating anyone right now.
I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity.--EAP