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Old 09-05-2012, 12:51 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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Join Date: Jun 2012
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Quote:
This is very new to us, and I don't think it is wrong for us to have some boundaries as we work our way into this relationship style, and as Nudibranch said, he should be wanting to help me cope with transitions as needed.
It's ok to be new. It's ok to have some boundaries -- but the boundaries must be arrived at together and agreed to. Otherwise you are paving the way to broken boundaries and more upset.

In my universe, you do the have the right to support and nurture from your partner.

So. In THIS situation. Do the drill with your partner... something like:
  • I feel yucky on your dates on Thursday. (Given.)
  • Because...
    • You are not available to me and I miss you texting me a lot to alleviate the boredom of my job.
    • I am upset that you get the right to develop meaningful relationships with Another and I am not given the same equal right. I am being limited to fuckbuddies/only women.
    • (Other reason not yet listed?)
  • I need (what?) from you over the next X weeks to help me acclimate to this new thing/change in my routine with you dating. Then let's check in to see where we are both at. (Do place time limit to next check in. Expecting him not to date on thurs forever is not realistic, asking him to chill for a few weeks might be doable.)
  • I need (what?) from myself over the next X weeks to help me acclimate to this new thing/change in my routine with you dating.
  • Does what I ask sound reasonable? Do you have other suggestions for how you can support me in this time of change?

I'm offering you critique type feedback on your situation, not criticism of you. I'm also encouraging you to keep on thinking.

Quote:
The problem lies in that those damned Thursdays are the only night he has off between the two jobs. I feel like at this point, I have to pretty much just let him do whatever, and just deal with feeling like shit. Which isn't a good position to be in, but what other option do I have?
Possible solutions?

Suck it up. Some things are not immediately solvable other than the passage of time and getting used to it. Hell, if even HE says she is annoying, perhaps he breaks up with her in a few months. Then prob is solved, no?

Stop putting yourself in the situation where you feel like shit and change something about it that you actually have input in. Work with the BF on what would be welcome change.
  • Change job.
  • Change BF.
  • Change something else -- like change your mind or change how you and BF handle conflict resolution.
  • Or change some of your relationship agreements -- esp the unfair one! Or whether or not you are even Open if it isn't working out.
  • Change the expectation of BF to entertain you with texts when you are at work. Text someone else. Bring a book to read.

Experiment to see what will work for you or not. It's a learning process.

Hang in there!

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-05-2012 at 12:57 PM.
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