Originally Posted by ourquad
Kitten has the power I'd have to say. We all tread carefully around her. I mainly do so in order to not make things worse on the guys.
The biggest power she has is over the individual relationships. If something were to happen to end things between her and Gator, she has plainly stated that she wouldn't want (allow) Tech and I to still see each other. Nor would she want Tech and Gator to still do things together (they are best friends). She said even that would make her jealous.
To me, that's power. But, I've learned it's the prooce I have to pay for admission as Dan Savage says.
Eek! Is that really power? It seems in that sense the dynamics of the relationship are being shaped by the person most able to destroy things. That strikes me as a really difficult thing to sustain.
I sometimes substitute the word power for fuel. In some contexts they are synonymous. Energy flow is about who is providing fuel in what way. That shifts and flows in my relationships. I never get a sense that it affords power one way or another but it clearly keeps energy flowing between us, which is important.