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Old 09-05-2012, 01:50 AM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,487

Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
We decided to make friends that there is some sort of foundation. If anything becomes more for either of us, then wonderful.
This would be my approach as well. While I can have NSA sex with people that I am only physically attracted to, I can't imagine having an actual relationship with someone unless I would want to be friends with them regardless.

Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
I've also realized that I honestly don't want another husband. I am not looking for a life partner, because I have no desire to replace Storm. He's my main squeeze, I love him and it's for life. Anyone extra is simply that, extra.
I think that it is perfectly fine to say up front what you are looking for - an "extra" guy to date and do things with that Storm doesn't enjoy. I would be careful though of completely ruling out the "life partner option" and making promises to that effect - you can't always predict the twists and turns that your life and loves will take. I've identified as poly for 20 years and always assumed that, as a bi-girl, any serious OSO would be female - so I could have "one of each" - but then I went and fell for a 2nd guy...

I wouldn't count Dude as a "life partner" just yet (we have only been together for 17 months) but it could turn out that way - he's lived with us the whole time and it is his stated desire to be around for "a long time". If it sticks then what? MrS gets booted? HELL NO! I'll simply have two "life partners" - one of whom is also my husband.

Originally Posted by Glitter View Post
I compare it to eating chicken fingers (I know, weird!): we both love the chicken finger platter from Denny's, and we always get honey mustard dipping sauce. But every now and then, I would love to try a sweet and sour sauce, a BBQ sauce, etc. Doesn't mean I will change and only want the others, because my honey mustard is my favorite and my staple. I just like a taste of the others now and then.
OK, fair enough analogy. You know you will ALWAYS like honey mustard - not a problem, no doubts there. But what if Denny's develops some brand new "Ultra Ranch AWESOME Sauce"? You like it too. As much as you like honey mustard. You've been eating honey mustard for're not bored with it but you know most of what it has to offer.

You would likely have some kind of NRE experience with your new taste sensation - ordering it 2 out of 3 times and checking in with honey mustard every third time just to confirm that you like it as much as you always have - YOU DO. In fact, you appreciate it even more because you have some contrast to compare it to which causes you to notice all of the things that drew you to honey mustard in the first place - things that you had forgotten because you were used to how it tasted.

Then the NRE settles down - AWESOME sauce "catches up" with honey mustard (because you have been eating a LOT of it). Actually, now that you have been choosing AWESOME sauce so often you begin to see it's flaws - still love it, but honey mustard has some attributes that AWESOME sauce lacks. AWESOME sauce is now a staple as well. Different but equally satisfying. Sometimes you are in the mood for one, sometimes the other - and SOMETIMES (>gasp<) you throw caution to the wind and order BOTH.

I guess my point is - you haven't tasted AWESOME sauce hasn't been invented. Your present self can't make promises about how your future self will feel about AWESOME sauce. You CAN say that you know that honey mustard will always be your staple, that you will never NOT like honey mustard. You CAN say that none of the other sauces you have ever tried has come close to what honey mustard has to offer...but you can't say that none ever will.

(It took me 19 years to run into my own personal "AWESOME sauce"...I wasn't really looking, then again I wasn't really looking when I found my honey mustard. Keeping your taste buds open to new experiences can lead experiences.)

Me: poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" Vee-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (23+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (4+ yrs) and MrS's best friend
Lotus: poly bi married (to TT) female, "it's complicated" relationships with Dude/JaneQ/MrS (1+ years)
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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