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Old 09-05-2012, 01:11 AM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Ok. I think I've figured out part of the communication connundrum. When you write about (for example) the rules. I sense that you are addressing only your part-which is resulting in the board assuming thats all you are considering. Then you are upset over the attitude.
Alright. But I mean I haven't necessarily met and discussed the other's needs and I'm open to their needs. I don't want to project any of my own expectations on them, I think that would be unfair. I'm only able to talk about what I need, want, desire, and I can talk about what I expect, but I'm open to that being a work-in-progress.

So ok, I'm sounding one sided? Yeah I guess that's because this is a post at the outset of embarking into Poly and there is not another side yet, so I don't have any interesting stories about the other side to talk about. In fact, the reason I am staying one sided is to get the reflection you guys dished out, in anticipation of making better first moves when getting into this. It's ok some of the dishing was harsh. I'm letting it all soak in. But it's extremely interesting to me when you guys say, "that's not going to work thinking that way." And it makes me think, and I start to come to the same conclusion. In that process I shed a delusion and I gain some better understanding of how these situations can really work and what I need to accept.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Your 'hardlines' sound VERY similar to galagirls. Would you humor me and read them?
I have some thoughts on what I think would not work for me, so they are ideas for hardlines, but since this still isn't really happening they are just theoretical. For instance, I said before I prefer no "male energy". By that I mean that kind of energy that some of the girls here thought I was like and despise in men. I also despise that same egocentric inflexible bullying energy. So I could say "no men in the birdhouse". But really like I said, if a really cool guy who totally enjoys all the things we enjoy comes along, and he also loves talking about feelings and relationships and is respectful and careful as I would be, than that's fine. So some of the hardlines can be excepted. But I would tell the girls "there is no expectation that another man can enter into this equation, however if we all together find someone that we all want, I am open to the possibility, however I need it respected up until that point that the idea of other men is not entertained freely or individually." Another would be about being dishonest. That for me would open up the floodgates resulting in making sure that person go get tested for STDs because we all have no idea what else she hasn't told us or has told us that has been untruthful. A big long list of "carefuls" like that. That's what my list would look like. Lot's and lots of every little thing we need to watch out for, outlined.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
Tell me if I am right? She has a thread about it in the lifestyles and blogs section.
Ok, I'll go check it out. I like her flamboyance and free spirit, so I probably will find it very insightful at least.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I think the confusion is in your not specifying what the othersides rights/responsibilities are in terms of identifying if you and the imaginary they can agree.
Right, right, right. I see what you mean now. It's like I am treating the other side as completely subserviant and in agreement to my every thought, because they don't exist and already share my same beliefs because they are a projection of me. I see. The thing is, at first, because of my "ruleset" I will be already in the ballpark as far as that is concerned. Things that come up will probably get written into the addendum for any new ones coming in, but that is why I want to make sure the ruleset list is very very well thought out at first. I am reading about 20 different sources (books, websites) to gain that foresight, but of course I cannot predict everything. But I am a very fair, understanding, amenable patient person with those that I'm giving my love to. So if a subject comes up, I'm going to be a good person to work with the other person on giving them their freedom to make their dreams come true. Like I said before, I enjoy when others are happy and I enjoy making or letting them if I am in the way before that. If someone needs to leave me, I will not be sad. That is their journey. I would only be sad if I thought they were going to a sad place in their journey.
Quote:
Originally Posted by LovingRadiance View Post
I gather that you are trying to write from the 'i can only speak for me' perspective-which isnt a bad thing, but having not specifically said thats what u r doing it appears that u r disregarding the opinions and rights of the imaginary other parties.

Does that make sense at all?
Yeah that totally makes sense. So you think it would work better to preface with that in the future? It's easy to say "yes", but do you really when you think about, think that would change the result?

Last edited by PolyPhonic; 09-05-2012 at 01:18 AM.
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