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Old 09-04-2012, 11:00 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 139

Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
I'm wondering if your soon to be wife had to agree to certain rules upon meeting you if the 2 of you were going to be together or if through the process of getting to know each othwr you developped the boundaries of where your relationship would lie together? In the case of the latter any other relationship (and woman who you are in the relationship with ) deserves the same respect.
For sure. I agree with you. And in my case, yes I did set forth plenty of rules, and they were respectful honorable rules, and yes in time we had to readjust those rules, but everything made logical sense. Right now it's so difficult because we are needing to adjust but what I want is based on theory (being a poly virgin), and where she draws the line she doesn't even understand (uncharted territory). So this is very confusing.

When someone "opens up" in the midst of a relationship, I think these kinds of difficulties arise. It could be the realization that you're bi, or even more strenuous on a hetero relationship if you realize you are gay. At first you don't want to rock the boat, so you attempt to keep things together. But I think after time you realize you are better off apart.
Originally Posted by Derbylicious View Post
If you had premade rules for your soon to be wife before meeting her and that's what's working for you then have at it. You're just not going to get a lot of support from people here since for the most part we believe in equality in relationships and that everyone involved has a say when it comes to what their relationship will look like. I don't know if I speak for anyone else but I find what I'm reacting to in the way that you talk is that it sounds like you're looling for a patriarchal polygamous set up without the religious overtones.
Interesting. I know. But I'd be happy to gravitate towards something more liberating for all. Just that this is all I understand in this moment. I'm certainly capable of greater respect to everyone, I just need to learn the ways. I prefer it not be trial by fire, and so that is why I am doing so much reading, and that is also why I really value your replies and really everyone's replies even the one's who were disrespectful to me and sent me reeling. I value everything they have to offer, believe me. I even value them as people. I just think a little bit of judgement got taken a long way. And I think it would behoove them to be more sensitive to new posters asking for help with their crisis'. I know I was in the situation at the moment I posted where it was a big cry for help in our relationship. Maybe I came to the wrong place, but I was hoping to get some better treatment. It felt like I found some people in the Bronx who wanted to just talk trash about me and how much of a douchebag I am. And it was counterproductive to some extent, but not all. Anyway, you didn't ask about that, I'm rambling. Anyway, I'm just saying I appreciate all the input even if it's been at my expense and I hope that everyone tries to be more sensitive in the future in case someone of less self-esteem than myself might get hurt by the way they went about behaving. I'm ok though.
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