View Single Post
Old 09-04-2012, 10:33 PM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,235

I think you both had this idea that once you decided to open up your relationship, you should both then pursue other people and everything would be equal. Storm seemed to be mostly upset that he couldn't find anyone while you had. Thing is, it's not a race. Equanimity is not the same as equal. Life happens as it happens, and you can't expect both of you to find partners at the exact same time.

I think it's good that you're taking a break from poly, because it also seems that you do need to both work on being more compassionate and giving toward each other before being intimate with other people. Build the foundation of your relationship to be stronger and more loving. Focus on being kind to each other yet direct and honest, and look inwardly at yourselves to see where the fears, insecurities, and addictions are. I think perhaps you may need to change a few things in your home environment, too.

When it feels right, and not a moment before, you can spend some more time discussing and figuring out exactly what kind of non-monogamy is reasonable for you. Accept fully that it could even be a year or two or more of one of you having an additional partner while the other one doesn't. If each of you are centered within yourselves, and in a strong place in your relationship, that should be much easier to accept and handle. Then, take baby steps.
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 09-04-2012 at 10:46 PM.
Reply With Quote