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Old 09-04-2012, 08:01 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is online now
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@Leslie -- I am married to a mono poly friendly man. You can read my blog thread on that. I was content as a hinge and I am content as a closed duo -- but it's because he is Open to hearing about my inner life and allowing that poly expression. I don't NEED another lover. I NEED to be heard and understood. So yah, it's positive. We talk about Opening again after kiddie-ania. We're not in a hurry. We like the meander pace and it will be what it is when we get there.

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Sometimes, I just want him to offer to take him before I ask.
@Invi --

Don't dream. DO.

I think the practical nurture act of bodily taking the baby off your hands would do WAY more help at this point than the mental bucket nurture act of anticipating your need before you ask.

Be nice to have BOTH buckets tended -- the mental bucket so you don't have to think it all out ahead of time AND take the body bucket tending so you get a body break from the kid.

But if you can only get one? TAKE THE KID! Then you can tend your own mental health bucket on the break!

You have a mom and brothers? Talk to them more by phone, skype. Consider participating when you can at mothering.com forums or similar -- where you can vent / destress with other parents who are in your Life Age & Stage to give and share support. It's a rough time. When you can, get out to see adult people -- become a library story time regular just to air YOU out.

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He does help with more than just the baby sometimes, which is definitely appreciated, though to be honest, I usually prefer that he take the baby so I can have my body back for a bit.
The answer to that one is to greet him at the door with the baby, announce the baby is ALL HIS for the next 2 hours while you nap and restore yourself.

Do not ASK. Just GIVE him the baby.

I used to do that with my DH. I had to serve baby time as the Breastaurant all hours of the day and I had to serve time with the night nursing/parenting because DH had to sleep to be ok for work. So DH just HAD to serve his time in between in the evening so I could get a break and restore myself for the next shift of mine. Here's a bottle, gimme 2 hrs break so I can NAP!

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He would not be interested in limiting himself to less, from what I can tell, and I don't think closing would be an option.
Limiting himself to less going out of the house? Or Number of Partners? I am not clear there.

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He wants several children, so we'd be talking about closing for several years.
On top of that, he has health issues that concern him. He very much wants to pack as much as he can into what he sees to be, overall, a very short life.
And what is your wish? To be saddled with a mess of kids once he kicks the bucket? Isn't one work enough? Where are YOUR wants in this Common Life Picture? How do you negotiate that?

If you suspect PPD for you - see a doc. And if he hasn't been checked for couvade -- he needs a check too.

The baby time is hard. Parents have to worship at the altar of selflessness in service to their infant and it is a hard, hard thing to do on poor sleep, poor couple time, and god knows what that whole first year until you catch your groove.

Hang in there.

GG

Last edited by GalaGirl; 09-04-2012 at 08:04 PM.
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