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Old 09-04-2012, 05:43 PM
Nudibranch Nudibranch is offline
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: PNW
Posts: 36

I don't see how it's "unfair" to ask for what you need. Or maybe it's "unfair," but love is "unfair."

Your boyfriend should, I'd think, want to introduce and conduct his polyrelationships in a way that ease you into all needed transitions. Sometimes those transitions involve having to cope with and resolve feelings. In my view, THAT is the point of polyrelating--the relating, not the poly.

To put it another way, your jealousy isn't the issue I see. I can think of a hundred reasons why I might not want to be out struggling to earn a living while my partner was playing afternoon delight. I can't imagine having, or keeping, a significant other who lacked the self-control and maturity to consider my feelings in that way.

Obviously I'm not suggesting that your unexamined, unprocessed jealousy get and keep the upper hand. And of course I am making these judgments from the standpoint of a very long-standing primary relationship (over twenty years, with nearly twelve of marriage). If you are wanting to set limits in a newer or more casual relationship with someone that are good for you, but the other person is balking, that may also be a sign that it's not the right relationship for you. One of the things that polyrelating can teach a person is that it's really not for you, or not for you with this particular person. And that's OK. It doesn't make you a less evolved, or less "edge" person. You can get that in other ways.
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