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Old 09-04-2012, 03:01 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
Posts: 1,467

I am glad that things have been talked-through - now it's just a question of time to see if everyone will abide by their commitments.

In my experience, so many of the agreements that poly folks enter into don't have anywhere near enough detail in them. When someone does something that one finds is outside of the agreement, but isn't something that was talked about, the "but it's commonsense" argument is used. Trouble is, commonsense to one person isn't the same to another. If something is important, then it's vital that it be discussed and (if necessary) written down. If everyone agrees that it's commonsense then no further discussion needs to be had.

In my opinion, the agreement should contain some good, broad general statements (e.g. "Nobody has sex with folks outside the relationship before the new person meets everyone") and specific statements (e.g. "Sex includes oral, manual and penetrative sex") That way you don't get into arguments about what folks define as "having sex" once it's too late...

It may seem overly detailed and unnecessary, but believe me, getting that common understanding is vital.

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb

Last edited by CielDuMatin; 09-04-2012 at 03:14 PM.
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