Trouble communicating with my partners
I have been in a monog relationship with my boyfriend K for 5 years and we had quite a difficult issue between us about 2 years ago but since couples counseling we seem to have come closer. We really learned how to communicate. We also have two young kids together and have really gotten involved in our community. My boyfriend also has a female friend Z he met through his best guy friend. She has been coming up to hang out with us almost a year now. I never knew they felt anything for eachother until about three weels ago when he started going off alone with her in the night after I'd fallen asleep. v Then when he stayed the night at her house I really knew. I confronted him and he told me he was in love with her and they'd had sex. I was initially hurt but ultimately care about his happiness because thats how much my love for him means to me. I told him I understood, wanted him to be hapoy and be with her, and reassured him that he'd still have the kids remain in his life. He says that he loves both of us equally and didn't want to leave or hurt either of us. Finalky I suggested opening up our relationship to her as a polyfidelitous triad where we are all equally in love and committed to eachother. I am very close with Z and love her as well, and being bi curious, am open to any intimate arrangement we might come to. We all sat down and discussed some basics like being honest and upfront about our intentions, respecting eachother, voicing feelings/concerns, and sharing/displaying affection in front of eachother or separately. Its only the second day but I thought everything was going well until today K wanted to make wake up love to me and Z popped her head in and seemed disturbed. I told K to save himself for her later, to share the same intimacy with her because I didn't want her to feel hurt, or unloved or the such. Well they have both been uncommunicative and withdrawn all day despite my efforts to rectify things. K says he doesn't know if this working for him, Z says she wants to go home. Should I just be patient and give them space, should I continue to try and communicate, or am I just crazy for thinking this whole thing would work? I feel that despite K's words he has a deeper love for Z and in his heart wants to end our relationship and be with her, but doesn't want to move out cuz he's going to school here and wants to stay with the kids. He denies it but I see and feel otherwise. To be completely honest I feel like I should just remove myself from the equation, it depresses and hurts me to be living a lie, to not recieve the love that I am giving, to be alone when I am not alone. I'd rather be dead because at least that would be a stable reality. I'm very depressed right now and even I don't really know how to communicate that to K and Z, I feel like I have to be the strong one. But I'm not, and no one is here to hold me together.