Originally Posted by YouAreHere
When my feelings grow for one, they fade for another. Always have. Never even crushed on more than one person, even back in Jr. High. A serial crusher, I guess.
When my marriage was failing, I was very close to my now-Partner, and I had to push him out of my life while I tried to put my marriage back together (granted, my heart was no longer in the marriage, but I'd fallen for my friend and I had to basically give my heart nowhere else to go so I could work on fixing my relationship with my husband). My friend/now-partner had NO idea why I had to do that. He could "compartmentalize" (back before he had the "Poly" term) - why couldn't I?
And I just had NO idea how he could do that. It was such a foreign concept to me, that I didn't even know how to frame a question against it. In my heart, there's room for one romantic relationship, and no amount of compartmentalizing was going to make it any different. Trying to do so would just make things more difficult.
This sounds like my Mono until this past spring when he found himself loving another and me at the same time. What has come to light since is that he falls in love with certain women (certain criteria), when his partner is struggling and he gets annoyed and burnt out on supporting them. I have learned from this that I need to spread my request for support around so as to not allow him, request of him, that he take on too much.
The good stuff that came out of the experience is that he believe how I can be poly now. He's felt something close to it and it opened his mind to how he could, should he choose, expand on that. Thing is, like my last post where I made the analogy of religions; he has seen how my mind works as someone who sees how another religion besides their own works and has decided that he is just fine being mono thanks. He has a personality that isn't interested in pursuing more than one love at a time as he has no need for more if he has all he needs in one. He would rather spend his time and energy on other areas of his life as he has enough and is satisfied with me (for now?).