Originally Posted by BoringGuy
You say you have 6 kids. Where are all the other children and/or mothers of all your other children? How do THEY fit in with the hopes and dreams which you have shared with us here on this forum? How would you expect all these incoming "girls" to relate to your ALREADY EXISTING children and babbymommas?
Hey, thanks for noticing
Ok, here's the whole love arc of my life and how children factor in:
Finding Love Accidentally:
I was a late bloomer. I lost my virginity when I was 21. That's not because I wasn't desirable, it was because since I was 9 years old I would sit in front of my computers and musical keyboards and create music non-stop. I was dedicated to my craft of writing music for movies. In fact as desirability goes, the night I lost my virginity was to a woman I was helping with her IKEA furniture, and she came on to me quite strongly. I thought she was married but she told me she broke up. I did find her cute, but I was raised to be respectful and she was not a candidate for feelings for me. But when she said it was ok by passionately attacking me, I went along for the experience. We were together for 9 months and traveled Europe together. It was a great first sexual relationship. Later I would learn that she was a nymphomaniac, and that it wasn't normal for a woman to want to have sex 3-6 times per day. Suffice to say I was happy. We broke up and I again continued to focus on my music career.
I wanted sex after that though, and I was very much a romantic so I craved a partner again. So I was courting girls, but I was not in the dating scene. I wasn't searching. I was just open and able. I would chat up girls who worked in the building I was in. I had no skills in picking up girls.
I got a call one night from a woman who moved to LA and wanted to ask me questions about my career field because she was thinking about pursuing the same. I asked if she had any friends here, she said no, so I said "let's meet up". We coordinated what in retrospect became a first date, and I adored her at first sight. Since I was simply open and able, any attention at this point felt right. I would learn in 10+ years from then that it's also important to think about your needs. However, she liked me and I liked her and we decided to spend the rest of our lives together. And so...
1st Engagement and Marriage:
I was married for 10 years, the first 3 of which felt solid, then 4 more years of counseling and than 3 years of living together but figuring out what the hell I was supposed to do because I didn't believe in divorce, I believed in working things out and holding to your original promises. I was fortunate in the end to hear that she admitted she never really loved me, that she married me to see if she would fall in love with me. What a sigh of relief that was for me because it meant I wouldn't break any of my promises to divorce. We had 3 kids together
(probably the three times we had sex, lol). She was super tantric, a yoga person, very spiritual, and that really got in the way of enjoying our physical relationship. So our relationship was very much a meta-relationship, a superlayer relationship created out of meeting of concepts. But I craved a directly connected relationship not one based on spirituality. Something human.
When we separated (pre official stamped divorce), I said I wanted the kids and the house, and she said ok. In retrospect now, that was probably due to some guilt on her part, but her own family disowned her and everyone thought she abandoned her children. That was not the case at all. Our separation was amicable, we were both level headed people and we never even said the word jealous in our relationship. I never knew of the concept. Point is, she was still a good mom, I just gave her the opportunity to get on her feet, have time to build some career opportunities, and the kids visited her every other weekend.
I proceeded to care for my kids for 4 straight years in that arrangement, while starting up with online dating, going to nightclubs, parties, events, mingling. It became necessary to hire a live-in nanny. I screwed that up when I thought it would be a great idea to find a young attractive one, and that turned into disaster where I had to buy her a plane ticket back home one night in a deal to ward off pressing charges. Not that I ever touched her, but lines had been crossed and she wouldn't have any of it (rightly so).
I got another Nanny, Japanese, very respectful, but also cute, adventurous (sky jumper) and flirtatious (oh no). So I set a big boundary line with her in my mind and never looked back or thought about crossing it. I trained myself to keep her off limits.
I continued on the dating scene, formed a great non-sexual but intimate relationship with a girl, and that lasted for 14 months and was only ended because someone I met wanted to be exclusive.
During that time I was dating some girls mostly from online, but I was also meeting girls around LA having been mingling at parties and events and such. So I was getting out of my office, our of my hole, and starting to get a feel for real world dating, socializing and relationships.
My whole life it appears has been about opening up slowly.
Ok so, I befriended a woman who in Beverly Hills and Hollywood circles was seen as one of the 10s of the community. A gorgeous latina woman who basically liked to be arm candy to guys at parties.
We went to Vegas on a whim and hit it off, and I was thrilled to be in a relationship with such a beautiful, desired, female. After 1 month of dating, she asked if she could move in with me, and for me to cutoff the very close friendship (which was also intimate but non-sexual) with that girl I mentioned above. It was a tough decision, but I wasn't a secure person fully. I was confident, but I was probably only about 85% full when it came to my glass of self-esteem. So I said ok, and I chose the 10.
We got engaged, and her kid from a previous marriage moved in with us. His father was a dead-beat so I put the kid in the best schools and he was the same age as my oldest son so they got along and went to the same schools. I payed for and cared for her child as my own.
Breakup of Engagement:
However it turned out this "10" was cheating on me and I didn't know it. After several times when she punched me, scratched me, threw things at me, and verbally abused me, I finally had to push her out of the house like a mule. While she was gone I found 7 engagement rings in a box in her closet and I called her other boyfriends and they had no idea she was cheating with all the other ones. Her "motis oparendi" was to create a fight about something, leave for a few days and come back saying she was all better after spending time with her mom.
So that was about 8 months of descending hell.
After that I started dating with a veangance. After learning about Hugh Hefner and how he started his poly concepts after his wife cheating on him, it makes me wonder if all my poly-ness is a reaction to women cheating on me. It's an intellectual thought I have, but I don't feel it's true. But one day I'll spend some time meditating on it.
Anyway, in what seemed to be a great liberation, I went on a tirade. I even specifically tried to date girls with the same name as her in the beginning so I could erase her as a stigma in my mind. That actually worked. As I gained lot's of relationship experience, I started to gain wisdom, confidence, and a better understanding of what man and women is all about.
I really started to gain relationship clarity, learned to love myself, and to get in touch with not just what I was able to do, but what I wanted.
During this time I started to feel like I wanted to find a life partner again, because I preferred to have someone I was living with, rather than going out every couple of nights and having fun occasionally at home.
But through my wisdom on relationships I also felt hopeless that I would find a woman with the good standards I felt were necessary. I had high standards for a woman with a great heart.
I fell in love with a friend of a friend who didn't speak a word of English, but through translation I could tell she had a beautiful heart. And she was beautiful physically, and she had a calm nature about her which really felt good after having had a tumultuous live-in partner last time.
We moved in together in 1 month (I still had my kids living with me at this time), and got pregnant on month 3. We decided to ditch LA and move to the Caribbean, to a beautiful island.
While here, I had a strong monogamous magnetism to her. However, the original promise of a threesome led me to start pointing out girls we could play with. This igniting the topic and feelings inside me.
[B[That's the story[/B]
We had our baby, and the rest I pretty much filled in in my other posts.
My original 3 kids now are on another arrangement. I asked my ex if she would mind taking care of them for a few years, taking a turn. So now the kids visit me for the summer each one for different lengths of time depending on school or not (so 2-4 months), plus Winter Break, and Thanksgiving and Spring breaks.
We had to leave her child behind in Los Angeles with his father, and while here in the Caribbean we were reunited with her daughter who she had left as a baby with her mom when she came to the USA.
The Poly "Bug"
But alas, all this is up in the air, because I have opened up bigger than monogamy itself. And this is a very new, virgin area for me and of course for her. But for me, it feels completely natural and lines up with how I was when I was a kid, my whole life. I am getting in touch with something that already existed inside.