Hello all. We just joined and would like to introduce ourselves.
This account and related email address is actually used only for poly related things for 4 people. We are all brand new as polyamorous. Brand new as in "a month ago". (We've all known and been at least casually friendly with polyamorous folks in the past so the while concept isn't entirely new considering it a personal option *is*.)
Also, we're pretty firmly in the closet right now at least until we figure out our relationship, so we're not using real names.
We are two couples, James & Mary and John (me) & Trish. Each couple met young and have a very strong bond. We've been married to our respective spouses for well over 10 years, have kids, etc.
We've been friends for a while and we all knew there was a deeper connection and wanted to develop a closer friendship. A bit over a month ago Mary and Trish were having a frank conversation about sex drive and sexual fantasies and Mary brought up the idea that the four of us could be sexually compatible. None of us really wanted to "swing" (defined as "casual and fairly anonymous sex") but were interested in experimenting with friends. So, we got together for a night of friendly sex, started to realize just how completely compatible we are and WHAM! We weren't expecting the emotion and intensity. "Friendly sex" turned in to "what the hell is this emotion? This is awesome!". A week later we were discovering and admitting that this looks a lot like polyamory.
Mary is bi but (I think) prefers men -- at least she doesn't want to give men up. Trish is still trying to figure it out (she's at least hetroflexible). James and I have no sexual interest in each other but feel a strong bond between us. Trish is really connecting with James and I am with Mary but we feel that this compliments our primary paring, not replaces it. We've been really enjoying the connection (emotional and sexual) that we've been forming between all four of us. We don't date separately, we go all together. We're not interested in anyone outside of our quad -- we're allowing a loving and romantic relationship to grow, but we're really not sure what that will end up looking like.
We've been avidly reading what we can while still recognizing that we're making things up as we go along. A lot of what we read in other sources is about triads or dating outside the primary relationship. While there are interesting lessons there, neither of these seems particularly applicable to us. We're hungry to hear of other experiences similar to ours, books, links, articles, whatever. We're reading "The Ethical Slut" and looking for other ways to get information.