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Old 09-03-2012, 05:26 PM
JMJP JMJP is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 3
Default And another Unicorn comes into the world...

Hello all,

I am new to the forum and poly. Just over a month ago my wife and I started, (is "dating" the right word?) another couple. Dating seems so mild a word.

We are two married couples. Each couple met young and have a very strong bond. We've been married to our respective spouses for well over 10 years, have kids, etc.

We've been friends for a while and we all knew there was a deeper connection and wanted to develop a closer friendship. A bit over a month ago the wives were having a frank conversation about sex drive and sexual fantasies and one brought up the idea that the four of us could be sexually compatible. None of us had had sexual relationships outside of our marriage before. None of us really wanted to "swing" (as in "casual and fairly anonymous sex") but were interested in experimenting with friends. So, we got together for a night of friendly sex, started to realize just how completely compatible we are and WHAM! We weren't expecting the emotion and intensity. "Friendly sex" turned in to "what the hell is this emotion? This is awesome!". A week later we were discovering and admitting that this looks a lot like polyamory.

We've been avidly reading what we can while still recognizing that we're making things up as we go along. A lot of what we read in other sources is about triads or dating outside the primary relationship. While there are interesting lessons there, neither of these seems particularly applicable to us. We're hungry to hear of other experiences similar to ours, books, links, articles, whatever. We're reading "The Ethical Slut" and "Opening Up" is next on the list and looking for other ways to get information. Anything anyone wants to share or link to will be appreciated. There are so many books that some guidance on what might be best would be very helpful.

We're only "out" with a few close friends and responses have varied from "OK, if you say so" to "I'm so *happy* for you all*. In fact, this email address is only used for poly related sites/lists for all 4 of us -- it's possible you'll see posts from any of us through this account.

We'd love to hear from quads that have been around a while. Specifically, when did the "honeymoon period" wear off (if it has) and what starts changing then, what challenges do you find specific to quads (particularly closed quads of 2 couples).

Gary, we'd love to hear of the balance you've found around the other couples squabbles if you can share it.

We're all intensely jealous of MWB's situation of living right across the street! That would be amazing! At this point it's hell to go as much as 7 whole days without seeing each other. (Yup -- infatuation period big time.) As both couples are still pretty infatuated with just the two we're not really sure if it will ever really wear off for the 4 of us.

John
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