So we met up, the three of us and a friend of hers. This time, I made a proper effort to just relax and be myself for the most part, seeking a quick squeeze here and there but (I thought) giving them room to be affectionate as well. I felt ok at the end, but this time *she* felt terribly uncomfortable and unable to ask for the support she needed from my DH!
I don't know why. *sigh* It also turns out that I inadvertently left without saying goodbye to her - it was done with the best of intentions (to give my DH and his GF a chance to say goodbye privately without me having to hang around or watch them being that close/intimate), but in doing so I appear to have snubbed her, although I'm told that's not why she felt awkward (it had come up earlier in the evening anyway).
The long and short of it is that she has asked me to meet her separately this week for a drink and a chat. Frankly I'm a bit terrified
I don't even know if I'm gonna like her! Some of the aspects of her personality that my DH highlights as being attractive I instantly bristle at - I think
that's because I'd usually bristle at them but I can't help worrying that I might deep down just be taking an instant dislike to her because of who she is and her position and sudden insertion into my life.
So. Any advice on how to build a good relationship with my metamour? Is it ok (or right!) to try to make any agreements with her, or should I stick to doing that with my DH? I don't know what they'd be, just a thought. Is it ok to ask her what she wants from this relationship? I feel like I am having to conduct a retrospective job interview with someone who's already taken the job on offer. Equally, is it ok to explain to my metamour what bothers me about their relationship? I don't want them to end anything by any means, but currently my needs aren't getting met... but then again that's not her responsibility, is it, it's my DH's, right??
They've actually been away together for the weekend, left on Friday morning, back Monday evening, so I've just had one conversation and the odd text message all weekend, and mostly I've been fine with that as I've been out and about having my own fun, and was excited to be seeing my DH again tonight after an extended absence, sharing all our weekend experiences. But he texted me just now to say that he'll be a bit longer getting back as they're going to have a quick drink before parting to "decompress" - it's their first trip away together so I kinda see that, but equally we've not seen each other for DAYS (v unusual) and I'd like to have thought he'd be quite looking forward to seeing me again! Couple that with the fact that a "quick drink" they had together a week ago turned into him getting back so late I was already in bed and didn't see him at all, it has instantly made me tense again, after having felt so relaxed about things until literally half an hour ago!! Grrrrrrrr!
How do I stop myself getting so tense? It makes it harder to communicate cos I worry that all we talk about it is the effect the damned new relationship is having on ours instead of having any bloody fun!