GalaGirl, she's never going to apologize to me. It's just not how she is or how she's functioning in this relationship. She feels she's in a relationship with my husband only (and she has apologized to him, many times, profusely).
I've been doing a lot of thinking. My husband and I agreed on a time out concerning difficult, relationship-evaluating discussions for 2 months. (part of this time we'll be travelling, just the 2 of us, for some much needed relaxation and reconnecting).
If after this time I feel better and things have settled, good. If I still feel as anxious and nervous as I do now, I will ask him 2 questions:
how would scaling down the frequency of your dates with her affect and influence your relationship with her? Will it still be the relationship you want, will you still get your wants and needs met, or do you need the amount of dates you have now for it to function the way you want?
how would scaling down the frequency of your dates with her affect and influence your relationship with me? would it improve, relax, or would you resent me for making you give up some of your time with her?
I'm just writing these down here so I'll remember them 2 months from now