thanks for your input
Dear Drunkem Porcupine and Quoth (sorry if I'm getting the spelling wrong; can't see thread from here)--thank you for your input.
Perhaps reaching out on this forum was premature.
Maybe what I have in mind is more like Ashley Madison if that had a space for intimacy that won't necessarily involve sex and isn't based on lying to one's partner, but A. M. is all about pure cheating, as far as I can see.
A therapist once warned me of the danger of the silver bullet quick fix fantasy. Maybe my idea that, like R. Crumb's wife Aline, I might need a 2nd husband is just a quick fix fantasy. My ideal married life would be a formed of intimate monogamy like what I have been lead to believe / imagine that Michael Chabon and his wife Ayelette Waulden (sp?) have. (And I may be idealizing that.)
So, I dunno. We've see....
Re: "so complicated," my one foray into non-monogamy really blew up in my face from several directions, so for me it was painfully complicated. And back when my husband and his cohorts were writing about what they called omnigamy and having multiple relationships, it got very complicated for them as he remembers it. Maybe as Andrea Nemerson has hypothesized, you have to be biologically suited to really thrive in a polyamorous way of life; otherwise too much strain. (?) I genuinely fear that over involvement with someone else could cause a crisis in my marriage (again).