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Old 09-03-2012, 05:54 AM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
I learned many times along the way that you can't force things. People are unpredictable, with very varied and vast needs and desires, and those you love may not have the same desires as you. Those who have the same desires, may not be the people you end up getting close to. And above all, people are ever changing and growing beings, and just because your love and desires for a certain lifestyle match up for a time, doesn't mean they always will.
Absolutely. I agree. I'm not doing any pushing anymore, but on it's own my fiancee is making steps towards this and I'm sure that's because somewhere near the surface is the potential and that's probably what I've been sensing...a fissure. She surprised me tonight by telling me this "Unicorn" is going to spend the weekend with us so I just smiled and said "I like when I leave you to yourself."
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
I would strongly advise that you focus not on your eventual goal of a household of women, but on meeting individuals and growing close to them. I found that when I focused on just building healthy relationships, that the rest fell into place in time.
That is such great advice. And as we all know it's so hard to find those healthy individuals.
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Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
Also, you need to realize that these are individuals. They may like some of what you want, but not other parts.
Of course, yes. Although I am in my late thirties, I've gained a lot of relationship experience and I give the other person complete freedom. I may have tried to peddle ideas, but if they don't want it, that is their free choice.
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Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
They will possibly want to date each other or other people outside of the household. In time you might find that you want that as well, even if you may not feel that way now. They may want to be the ones who help take care of you, not just be taken care of.
Super good points. I've brainstormed about some of those possibilities, but for you to say it makes me see the constant amorphous structure that is "real people".
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Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
Some may not want children, or may already have children.
Yeah that's ok with me.
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Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
Are you willing to develop healthy relationships and give these hypothetical women the freedom to grow and love in the ways they choose, even if it may not fall in line with your plan?
Completely. That is in my plans yes. Exit strategies for them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
Can you compromise and give up some things for them, or change and negotiate with them?
Absolutely, if my core need(s) are being fulfilled than why not other less important things? Of course.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
You need honest and open communication, and the ability to compromise and work with a partner, not just be in charge and "take care of them". Can you do all that?
I can compromise. And I'm also extremely patient with and tolerant of others. I think that is because I am very fulfilled and secure inside already.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
Also, as far as you soon to be wife, talk to her. Talk frankly about what you want and how important it is to you, and why it is so important. If she does not want the same things, either one or both of you need to compromise and change, or you should end things. Its hard, I know, but its better than you both trying to force yourselves into a relationship that can't satisfy either of your needs and goals in life.
Ok yes, I just talked with her more as a matter of fact, as she asked me some more questions.

What was interesting was she wondered if she made me happy. She was apparently feeling like she isn't good enough for me. She asked "Don't I make you happy?" I said "Yes, you make me 100% happy with you. You are doing perfect. But honey, you can't have four boobies." That was my gentler way than saying "you don't have two pussies." But by the way, really my interest in another person is about affection and intimacy, not another pussy. I don't think with my penis. I have a big heart with what I believe to be limitless love, and it's sharing affection in a fun enjoyable way that I seek, without limits.

She seemed to understand and it calmed her nerves some. Her nerves flared up after she told me "I don't need anyone else to make me happy" and when I replied "Do you think that's what I think? That you are not enough to make me happy?" Despite how it reads here, it was actually a caring conversation, embracing each other in our cozy bed. A great way to talk softly about these intimate issues. And I'm skipping a lot of it for this post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by DarayTala View Post
I do hope you eventually find happiness and reach your goals and dreams.
Thanks. Living it!
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