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Old 09-02-2012, 10:12 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by evanevans View Post
I'm curious... Are there Poly people that don't understand the Mono mindset/wiring/way?
I don't. I never have. I was trying my hardest to be monogamous and just didn't get why it could work that way. No matter what people tried to explain to me, it just didn't resonate with me. I couldn't understand why I was expected to be no longer in love with someone simply because a relationship was not possible with them. I was told it was wrong, and I did my absolute best to feel that it was, but I knew in my heart that, for me, it wasn't.

I still get moments with my mono partner where I do a double-take, because something just "does not compute" for me. Even though we have worked through so much in terms of talking and explaining. She gets those moments too. Luckily, because we have worked on this so much, we don't have to go back to square one every time.

Quote:
Originally Posted by evanevans View Post
IMpvO (In my poly virgin opinion).
Quote:
Originally Posted by evanevans View Post
But I believe I have always had a mindset which is malleable and open. And I'm getting to the point that the people who have a "mono block" are probably the one's that appear to have staked their self-esteem in their beliefs and it gives them shivers to try and understand "Poly" as something other than "people being promiscuous or unable to be monogamous." And it's this that makes me agree with people who say that poly people are more "evolved". I understand what they are getting at.
With respect you are not the first person who is relatively new to poly that has voiced the opinion that it is somehow more "evolved" than monogamy. I would gently caution you that this can come across as very disrespectful towards monogamy, which works exceedingly well for a large group of people - telling them that their chosen relationship style is "less evolved" can feel pretty condescending.

I do completely understand the euphoria that goes along with the realisation that you have found a relationship style that "fits" you. I also understand the keenness to want to tell the world, and to show them how this can work. I think that a lot of us have been there at some point or another. It's vital, though, if you want them to accept you and your relationship style for who you are and what it is that you return the favour, rather than coming across as being dismissive.
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