Originally Posted by snowmelt
You just came out of a marriage. Now you want to play. That's fine. Play. There is a reason it's called playing. No real commitment wanted. I read your post. I know you said you are willing to take care of "your girls". The overall tone of your post sounds more like you want your girls to take care of you on a rolling, overlapping basis. Commitment is about much more than paying the bills.
Don't get married. Play as much as you want to. When you're finished playing, take your head out of the clouds, come back to earth, take a breath, look around and reevaluate.
I'm pretty positive it's more than that for me. I mean how does one know if they are "poly" versus a "player"/"swinger"? When does a player/swinger enter the myriad of possible relationship configurations or mindsets that are found in the universe of Poly? To me it's about that I want to become attached to multiple women, emotionally, at the same time, and I would like us all to enjoy each other's companionship together because I don't feel good excluding anyone when we could all just get along if we have an open mind. And to me, it's not at all about sex. It's about intimacy. Sex to me is something you do for enjoyment. Intimacy is for when you project feelings of love and compassion. I am interested in being in love with multiple women. I think that is Poly and not "playing". Although I may be a poly virgin, but I'm pretty sure that what I see and read about Poly lines up with what's inside me.
And the idea of "playing" like a player plays, is repulsive. I have never been that disrespectful to women. When I was dating several dozen woman in Los Angeles, I let them each know how many sexual partners I had going, how many were still only dating, and how I felt about each of them, and that I had room in my heart to get to know them as well as the other girls and that everyone knows my situation. At that time I was not aware that there was a philosophy (way of life) for co-existing. I heard about it, but so minimally that I thought it was just some part of an underground "weird" society or something polygamists who wind up going to jail do. I never understood there was a respectful model out there, or I would have whole heartedly embraced it. It just so happens to be my journey, to have learned about it during the process of being engaged to a girl and almost getting married. An unfortunate coincidence for her because she seems to prefer mono, though if she can slowly adapt, than she and I can stay together forever. But she is Latina and there is a lot of jealousy, possessiveness, envy and catholic morals engrained into their moral code and beliefs all throughout their life, through friends, family, TV, society. I just happen to be so open minded to always question anything, no matter if it's family, TV, friends, society, religion, musical preferences, etc. I've always been a very tolerant open minded person.