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Old 09-02-2012, 03:59 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
I've read your thread. I'm not sure if you are after swinging or poly or some mixture or something.
Totally. It's all very viscous right now. However, if I had free reign to choose I feel best with living with at least two girls. Guys I know don't like living with girls, they prefer to play with them and not let them mess with their feng shui. That difference in sentiment right there is what tells me I am more interested in Poly than Swinging, because I prefer to live with and care for several women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
1) Get a counselor. See if any do internet appts.
Ah very cool, internet appointments. Yeah I bet if I do some research I can find some that do Skype. Great idea that I had not even thought of. Thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
2) Postpone wedding date til you sort this out. Read more resources. There's all the books but quick online places are
www.morethantwo.com
serolynne.com
Yep, good advice. Will check out those links (and bookmark them), thanks.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
3) WHAT kind of relationship model are you after? There's as many ways to do poly as there are poly people. Here's just a few examples of models. What is the model YOU want? Get clearer on that.
Ok, yes, very interested in seeing other models to see things I hadn't thought of or considered.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
  • Is this married with some threesome swinging on the side? (She seems open to that)
  • Is this a polyfidelitious grouping of 4?
  • Is this a you guys are married but have Spice on the side? Like an "N"?
  • Something else?
Can you explain the "N" formation? Not quite picturing that. Looks like one person goes with the partner of another couple.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
4) Why are you trying to "peddle" or "sell" her on this? She is either up for it or not.
Because she wanted to understand why I think that way, so along with educating her about different ideas I say "let's try it".
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Pressuring her is NOT NICE. Cut it out.
Well I have no other choice at this point. I have changed/grown into this, and she either comes with me, learns to compromise or tolerate it, or we do have to go our separate ways. I'm not going to live my life like a mono anymore. I can't stand that model. I am a very adventurous person with a very open mind, very creative. The idea of NOT being able to enjoy anything we want to try in life (because my ideas for fun are stifled by her; while I support all her ideas for fun), causes me emotional pain. And so embracing me, is up to her.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
Have the discussion and ACCEPT THE RESULT.
I'm not going to sacrifice myself, my one life to live, during the best years of my life and become a vision of someone I find uneventful and unfulfilled.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
  • Write out your wants, needs, and limits and relationship model(s) you are after.
  • She shows you her wants, needs, and limits and the relationship model(s) she is after.
  • If something lines up, and you can each accept that, great. That's the model you try on.
  • If it does NOT line up? Break up now and stop trying to force a square peg in a round hole.

It just isn't going to fly forced.

GalaGirl
Ok great, it's great to hear your opinion. Opinions of those with clarity, experience, and wisdom are so valuable. I really appreciate your response. Thank you!
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