I've read your thread. I'm not sure if you are after swinging or poly or some mixture or something.
1) Get a counselor. See if any do internet appts.
2) Postpone wedding date til you sort this out. Read more resources. There's all the books but quick online places are
3) WHAT kind of relationship model are you after? There's as many ways to do poly as there are poly people. Here's just a few examples of models.
What is the model YOU want? Get clearer on that.
- Is this married with some threesome swinging on the side? (She seems open to that)
- Is this a polyfidelitious grouping of 4?
- Is this a you guys are married but have Spice on the side? Like an "N"?
- Something else?
4) Why are you trying to "peddle" or "sell" her on this? She is either up for it or not. Pressuring her is NOT NICE. Cut it out.
Have the discussion and ACCEPT THE RESULT.
- Write out your wants, needs, and limits and relationship model(s) you are after.
- She shows you her wants, needs, and limits and the relationship model(s) she is after.
- If something lines up, and you can each accept that, great. That's the model you try on.
- If it does NOT line up? Break up now and stop trying to force a square peg in a round hole.
It just isn't going to fly forced.