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Old 09-01-2012, 02:37 PM
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PolyPhonic PolyPhonic is offline
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Originally Posted by MusicalRose View Post
I guess my question for you is have you clearly stated your intentions, needs, wants, and limits for your fiance? It sounds like it started as you just kind of expressing to her that a threesome might be fun and then all of a sudden you sprang on her that you want actual relationships with girls (or the thought of setting up a "den" of girls).
Well, in my heart I know I'd most enjoy living with 3 girls while we(the pod of 4) see and have fun with more. I'm a very sharing person, it approaches neurotic but I guess a lot of poly people are like that and it's just a "neurotic" stigma I have to come to terms with as a poly-wired person. I am comfortable making other people happy. I enjoy it. I totally line up with the concept of compersion. That said I am Hetero, and although I would experiment with a guy to make my girl happy, I'm not wired to like guys. I prefer women, I'm not even bi-curious, but I am secure enough to do anything. My point is I am ok with my girls playing with other guys. I don't have an ounce of jealousy in my soul because I believe there are so many options in life, and so many people to share with, that losing something of value is only a step towards the next great adventure. My feeling is if someone I love wants to be happier with someone else than I am happy that makes them happy and they can do what they like. So I don't get threatened by men mixing in. But I do prefer all girls.

Ok so, it's kind of like I came out of the closet. For my first marriage (10 years) I had no clue. I was dormant. I did what I thought society wanted you to do. After the divorce, I became less attached to that society had all the right answers and I started thinking for myself. I dated about 50 girls, and was seeing 7 at the same time, but I never mixed them and got a threesome going, but I was honest with all of them about everyone else I was seeing.

But still my goal in my mind was to find a monogamous life partner. I was having fun looking. I found a super hot girl and got engaged and she cheated on me and we broke up and I couldn't understand how a person could be dishonest and could cheat, I'd never experienced dishonesty before (I was naive I admit). As an honest person, I figured if I had an urge to be with another woman I would have spoken openly about my feelings to her and I expected my partner to be the same. I never experienced the sneaking behind my back, lying, cheating thing before.

So that really left me with a distaste for people who did not have the ability to be open with their feelings and communication. And it further amplified my own desire to be even more open, more myself, an even better communicator, and it led me to realize that: to each his own. You can be gay, I can be straight, you can be Jewish, I can be Catholic, etc. Let's just all get along and each of us do what makes us happiest without using our own beliefs to judge each other.

In the back of my mind I was still searching for a lifelong monogamous partner all this time. So this is when I met who I am with now.

But when we met I was still halfway dormant as a poly-wired person and totally ignorant of it other than people try threesomes and the legend of the Playboy Mansion, and of course polygamy etc. But while together I saw an episode of Dr. Phil where a guy and 2 wives lived together in something called Polyamory, and he could only marry one etc. It just really opened up my mind.

So I did make sure to let her know that I wanted threesomes to be part of my lifestyle and we talked about that a few times.

It wasn't until as things progressed and I started to learn so much about this dormant side of me through researching the concept and exposing myself to the universe of ideas, that I found that I wanted so much more.

So that's how it went from "how about a threesome" to "how about living with some other girls that we both love?".
Originally Posted by MusicalRose View Post
She hasn't had much say in this and it sounds like something that is really making her uncomfortable.
I have to give her credit though for even talking about "how can you be happy and I be happy and we meet in the middle?"
Originally Posted by MusicalRose View Post
If nothing else, give each other some time to cool down, stop pressuring her to add other relationships for a while, and put your impending marriage on hold until you can find a resolution for this. I would also suggest some counseling in the meantime.
Yeah, wish that was possible where we are, but we are on an Island in the Caribbean and there isn't a psychologist on the island, let alone a specialist in these ideas.
Originally Posted by MusicalRose View Post
Another question. It sounds with the "den of girls" idea, that you are maybe forgetting that your fiance or some of these other girls might not just want to be with you. If your fiance agrees to a polyamorous relationship, are you going to be comfortable if she gets involved with other men?
You know I totally was just throwing the "den of girls" idea out there as an example of the potential of my situation, it really did not represent what I am pushing on my wife-to-be. A lot of respondants are focusing on that, and that really isn't something that I said I was peddling to my fiancee. It was just an example of the kind of temptation out here seducing my open mind. But I can be happy with a compromise.

Last edited by PolyPhonic; 09-01-2012 at 02:52 PM.
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