We all sat down and formulated a semi plan. Since hubby and I are moving across country in 3 months, we invited V to join us. It was decided that he would come 6 months after the move (to allow us to get settled in as a family first) then he would follow. His one condition was that it progress as a normal relationship would. Meaning he's not gonna just move into the house and be auto integrated. We are gonna take it slow. As real relationships should be built slowly.
I'm unsure how to proceed once he gets there. I think advice from more experienced couples will prove to be goldmines.
The other female situation....well...that just needs to take a back burner to other higher priorities.