Ah - Time. So long and so short. Infinite and limited.
When I got my head out of my ass and realized that what I was "pretending" with Dude could not happen
in the here and now he asked me if it was possible if we could ever have what we were envisioning. I was not optimistic - I told him to ask me again in 10 years. 6 months later we were well on the way....that was 14 months ago.
For me, giving a pessimistic answer of "10 years" was my way of saying "don't hold your breath" - there is a LOT of stuff that has to be addressed. This, I think, left me the time to get my other shit in order withOUT the pressure of "Is it time yet?" hanging over my head. There was NO guarantee that it would ever
Again speaking only for myself here, being able to focus 100% on the work that needed to be done now
with no expectation of outcome was instrumental in that work leading to a "wistfully-hoped-for" conclusion. The work needed to be done whether it lead to the desired outcome or not. For me, setting a closer timeframe would have been distracting - as though I was only doing the work to achieve a desired outcome, rather than because the work was needed independent
of that outcome.
The "work" referenced here was repairing the damage that I had done in my relationship with my husband (although MrS didn't know it yet). THAT had to happen regardless of whether that let me resume any sort of relationship with Dude. To be perfectly honest, I gave myself an entirely different time frame once the shit hit the fan with MrS - I gave myself one year to work on our marriage - if he didn't want to be married to me after a solid year of genuine effort then I would stop fighting for "us" and agree to a divorce without a fight (which had nothing to do with Dude at that point - I assumed he was out of my life for good).
This post probably makes no sense...I have written in greater detail about these events in my blog and it STILL probably makes no sense (although it would probably help if I ever finished the tale there...I've just been so busy being happy that I never got around to finishing the story
Time...it's a tricky thing.