Asexual, yes, I checked that, indeed that does sound/suit him, but again he was unwilling to investigate/research further. This surprised me as I "pitched" it as a "safe exit" kinda thing, a way of being which is totally acceptable to me really, not my choice, true, but if he is that way, I'd love him none the less. Plus, then we'd know and can go forward from there
You see, i'm not possessive/jealous/restrictive...
We have one life, just one, this one
Every day, every moment, we are getting older, we don't know when but we will all die....
Do I want to die with things/experiences unlived? heck no!
Which bring me to my periodic check (within myself, and I ask him too):
Is there an thing, any experience, any.... whatever, that I/you/we can do/try/whatever, that will make your life that much better, that much more meaningful to you?
Again, he laughs (we actually do laugh a lot), as he knows I'm serious....
Honey, if you feel learning to play the guitar with your toes is something you want to try, go for it, how can I help? Always thought it'd be cool to drive 1000km for lunch 'cause they make the best pizza anywhere, get they keys, we'll leave right now.
And yes, same with sex, no worries, what gets you going, name it, we'll figure it out. Asexual, cool, we'll figure that out too. Gay-curious, no worries. Multiples, self-gratification from opposite sides of the room...
Whatever, so long as it doesn't involve kids, animals or criminal activity, cool, let's figure it out.
So yes, everything is on the table
Giving him the choice for my lover, I know, limits my choices
But I've been blessed with the ability to see the goodness in even the most sour person. So in theory, I can make it work somehow. Besides, worse case, the experience would teach us both something :-) after all, should we get to that point, it means he's actually talking sex/intimacy, something which is an incredible challenge in our relationship now
As for friends/family seeing me out with my BF... That I'm less worried about.
None of us have family close, my step-daughter knows I have a special friend and is ok with it (she's in an open relationship, several years now actually), co-workers and such may be another matter but the culture here allows for a certain amount of touching/physical closeness so it's ok to eat/walk/talk together, publically, even arm in arm (though not hand holding), and kissing (cheeks or dry kisses, no hot & heavy (which I wouldn't do publically do anyway)) Heck, I've one fellow, previous coworker known for years & years, every time we're together he tells everyone he's my lover, loudly & proudly :-)
I is what I is.....
I'm far from perfect, and I like it that way, gives me room to grow :-)
And I see everyone else that way too, works-in-progress
We all grow in different ways, at different times, as result of different experiences, desires.... and I'm constantly amazed & fascinated by what make me/us tick (not us " my relationship(s)", but humanity at large, be it individually or collectively)
We're wonderful you know, as a species
So complex yet simple, ever changing, growing...
(ok, yes, we're killing the planet, but that's a whole other can of worms)
I suppose that's all I'm really looking for, growth
And I know I can't make him grow.... But he can't stop me from growing either
Finding a comfort zone is a challenge, yes, but I believe there is one
I'm just not sure yet what it is.... :-)
But I'll figure it out
By sharing, getting different points of view, reading/researching....
There is an answer..... It just not so obvious to me what it is as of yet :-)