I think then my question is, how do I help him? Right now he is extremely fixated on starting a relationship again, or doing whatever needs done to make that happen. He has stated many times that he doesn't ever want a D/s BDSM relationship with anyone else but me, though at least hes open to romantic relationships with others. I just am very worried for him, because it seems like hes hanging on to things very hard, and I don't know what will happen and how it will effect him if it takes years for him to make the changes needed. Or worse, if he can work through his issues, but then has to wait years for me to work through mine.
I guess I'm just worried this is all a very unhealthy state of things for him, even though on the surface our friendship is great. I have recommended he go to counseling, and we are working on finding a poly and kink friendly counselor in the area, though no luck so far.