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Old 08-31-2012, 04:47 PM
Panda Panda is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 15
Default You guys are pretty awesome

I'm back.

There has been a lot for me to think about. I'm a thinker. Sometimes an over-thinker. I try to anticipate situations before they happen. Not a good thing when it comes to relationships.

This is my business brain. Business brain and anticipating all possible outcomes is a good thing at work, not such a good thing in relationships.

I'm learning.

You guys are helping me. Thank you.

In order to learn I believe that a person should be open to listening to different opinions. If one sticks with only what they are comfortable or familiar with one can not grow and learn.

This does not mean that one needs to agree with everything, but keeping an open mind is important. Ignorance is not bliss.

These are my philosophies.

I'm going to talk to my GF and tell her that I feel that we need to establish where we are right now, what each of us wants from this relationship and what our expectations are for now and in the near future. Also we need to discuss what happens when her girlfriend moves here.

She, let's call her Cat, since there are two "she"'s involved, Cat needs to face things and not just tell me that we'll deal with her relationship with her GF, who we'll call Kim, when Kim gets here. It is easier for Cat to just ignore the situation, but will cause me too much grief to have to be wondering what will happen if Kim shows up here in a couple of months. I feel Cat needs to be open and honest with me about this and also her feelings about taking on other relationships. If she's hiding other relationships, then from my limited understanding of poly relationships this would be cheating.

This will not be an easy conversation. But it needs to happen. I like analogies, so if she's reluctant to talk about it, as she has been every time I've tried to bring it up, I'll liken it to having a 3rd degree burn. In order for the burn to heal the old damaged skin needs to be removed. It may hurt, there may be agony, but after the old damaged skin is removed then the new skin can grow. That's how healing works. Sometimes it's painful at first, but the pain is necessary for the healing to start.

Healing? Yes, healing. When I found out Cat was poly it ws on twitter! She admits she hadn't told me about being poly, only about being pan. BIG omission. Now we need to peel away all the layers and get down to the fresh skin. I need to know what her expectations are and she needs to know mine.

Before this week I thought I was in a mono relationship with a mono girl. She knew she was a poly girl and knew I was a mono guy. I think some guys would have walked away or gotten angry. I'm not angry. I know that she was kind of scared to tell me about being poly. Now she knows I'm not running, hopefully she can feel comfortable being honest with me.

I hope Cat and I can work things out. I'm not going to try and over-think or imagine outcomes until we talk.

I am ready to accept that we may break up. I'm also ready to accept that we may be able to make it work.

It can only work if she's completely honest with me though. I will tell her that. I don't want to find out any more surprises on twitter. Haha.

So I hope I've expressed myself properly this time.

I welcome and wish that you guys would tell me, (gently though, I'm a very sensitive panda) if I'm on the right track or if I'm making more errors.

Thank you for listening and helping me.

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