You are good with your hubby. That's awesome. But he's not your prob.
I did not really trust her before this happened, and of course, the cheating did not help
what it comes down to is that there should be no reason why she makes me insecure..
There is every
reason to feel argh-y about her. You did not trust her before. She's cheated on your loved one and hurt him and you could do nothing to stop it. She is not showing Jedi player colors here. Has she done anything to build trust with you? No?
So of COURSE you do not trust her enough yet. That can be rebuilt and re-earned and it is their relationship to run if he wants to give her a second chance.
But if she's ignoring YOUR tiers in your polyship's polymath
you are going to feel annoyed because she is not in right relationship with YOU. The tier of (You + GF) has received apology or what? Otherwise the tier of [you to (DH + GF)] is gonna feel edgy as a result because you are miffed with her for not being a decent meta.
All those mini rships inside the greater polyship have to be tended well to it to fly smooth.
But don't berate yourself for feeling what you feel. It's not unreasonable given the recent circumstances.