Originally Posted by evanevans
So then we started watching THE GIRLS NEXT DOOR, POLYAMORY (The Showtime Show), and reading about that lifestyle and I completely realized that was for me and that here on the island I could easily setup a kind of den of girls.
I started talking about that to her, and she didn't find it fun, or funny, or anything, and all the different shows we were watching, and talking to the new girl, finally has caused her to have what I see as a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN almost. Trembling fear.
She said she would like to know how to be with me and have her beliefs, and to meet me in the middle where I have my beliefs. But we don't have any ideas.
MY SOLUTIONS THUS FAR:
- I said how about when you are on your period, I can go enjoy some time with these girls? Answer: NO
- Let's try and play with another girl. Answer: I really don't like that anymore.
- What if someone moved in with us? Answer: I would leave you.
Are you actually 100% serious that your idea of poly is that you have a den of girls? I kind of have my fingers crossed you're just joking about it, that you're trolling and not that you think that a couple of reality tv shows is what the general practice of polyamory's "multiple loving (sexually intimate or otherwise) relationships with the knowledge and consent of all involved" means to you.
If my husband had said he wanted a den of girls, I would be afraid (who the fuck is this person I married who talked a bit of open relationships, experimented a bit and now wants a harem?) That is sure not the poly lifestyle most poly people are having, of course she didn't find it funny or fun, you took a giant leap.
Do you think it might be less self centered to think about if a good compromise might be that you date one other person at a time, so your mono wife isn't overwhelmed? Or keep playing as a threesome (if your partner still consents) until she is comfortable enough to be talk about you dating separately?
I don't know that you are actually looking for poly and loving relationships, the way you've handled things with your wife seems very klutzy and not aimed towards a sensitive healthy negotiation where you are keeping both your comfort levels in mind. I mean you start of saying its not like you are asking somebody to move in with you... but you asked your wife what would happen if somebody moved in with you.
I'd say back way up and get some books on poly where there are great recommendations in the "books and website recommendations" sticky thread at the top of the boards, and read and learn together, go slow and remember to put your wife-to-be and child up there as important to you as your hugh hefner fantasies.