In my universe?
You are out at three strikes. This is chronic cheating
not just agreement breaking. I frown on this.
So I apologize if the rest of my post sounds brusque. This kind of thing really is UGH to me. I feel very strongly about the concept of "Play like a Jedi. Not like a Muppet, or just do not play here with me!"
Without TRUTH telling, and clear communication and keeping of promises -- a good polyship just will NOT fly.
If she's not at 3 strikes? Renegotiate the boundary. As it stands she clearly cannot be trusted to keep it. So change it to something she CAN honor that you both can agree to as fair for you both. Then she can keep it, you can relax and not feel ugh and devalued each time it is broken. Perhaps you can tweak something like this to suit you both in your situation.
It is not unreasonable to ask you to STOP putting my emotional health, mental health, physical health, and spiritual health and well being thru the wringer just because you choose to follow your immediate pleasure and not honor our previous agreement. This is not showing me any respect and denies me dignity.
Proposed new agreement:
- Carry condoms at all times. USE. Both with ME and with your Others. End of fluid bonding.
- I prefer to know before hand. If you cannot stop yourself in the heat of the moment, put on a condom, and tell me ASAP this happened. But I prefer to know first. Do not abuse your get out of jail free card here -- you can use it (how many times? I gave only 1 card for fubars.)
- I have the right to know who I may catch things from! Condoms can fail or break.
- Give me the right to know my own sex health business. Give me that respect and dignity.
If you can agree this will be the new deal? Let's go with that.
Keep it up? Keep breaking agreements? We have to (Make new agreement? Close? Break Up? Pick SOMETHING for your consequence. What is your LIMIT?)
Keep it real, dude. Cheating is NOT cool and that's just not gonna work if all you end up doing is moving lines to enable her to cheat easier.
If she's not gonna play like a Jedi, why go there? ETHICAL polyamory, please!