Thread: Help wanted
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Old 08-31-2012, 01:30 AM
scout989 scout989 is offline
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Join Date: Aug 2012
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@Avatar: That sounds like really good advice. I'm not sure if it will work for us- I'll have to think about it some more- but I appreciate the ideas!

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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
How long have you two been poly?
Off and on for 4ish years.


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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
Have you two been poly the entire relationship, or a part of it?
We first tried bringing poly into our relationship after we were married.

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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
How did the first poly conversation happen?
We had been hanging out with some poly people, and been introduced to the idea. Our marriage wasn't going really well then; I basically told her poly might be a good idea because it seemed I wasn't going tobe able to fulfill all her needs.


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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
What were ongoing conversations about it like?
Subsequent conversations have been along steadily improving lines. We have worked hard to be healthier people, and worked on our marriage quite a lot. As we got better, our conversations shifted away from "I have to have someone else to be happy," to being more like "It's good to have more love in our lives."

Currently, my stance is that polyamory is a beautiful way of life and I really wish I could get healthy enough to have it. Her viewpoint is that she is poly, and that her life consists of sharing and spreading love.


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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
What are the boundaries that you two agreed on?
We've had a few different versions of boundaries, ranging from a pretty strict "Everything has to be equal and reciprocal" (i.e. if you want to have sex with this other person, you have to okay me having sex with the person I want to) at the beginning, to our most recent- we tell each other if we're going to be dating/seeing/intimate with someone else, we tell each other if we have sex with someone else. In other words, there are two information checkpoints- beginning of a relationship and the point where STIs become a factor.


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Originally Posted by snowmelt View Post
How is she breaking them? I know you talked a little about this already. Go into more detail if there is more.
I guess I don't know what you're asking for here. Details on what kind of physical intimacy? Not necessary, since- in the context of our relationship- the deal is that pretty much anything beyond kissing isn't going to go over much better than having sex. What other kind of details do you want?
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