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Old 08-31-2012, 01:06 AM
MzWiz MzWiz is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Eastern Canada
Posts: 22

My apologies, yes, I know he loves me, very much so
I still get the moo-moo eyes, you know, those soft "I adore you" eyes that have nothing hidden, soul bare
And I know he isn't going elsewhere (I offered any/all combination(s) & variations, with or without me - no interest)

Though this being said, he could be depressed..... yet it would surprise me
True, he's not a very cheerful fellow overall, but we do laugh, he'll tell of something funny at the office, so he seems balanced, happy
I even ask (every few months, over the years), are you happy? Is there anything more/else/different you'd like to have/experience/see... Again, very content, big smile moo-moo eyes, and an I love you. So all seems good....

Upside of poly from his perspective (beyond things/issues related to me), I tried, jokingly, a fishing/hunting buddy was about all I could come up with to tell you the truth
Sad, I know..... I did offer to let him chose my second, no-go there either

No procedures were/have bern put in place re: DADT
Honestly, didn't think of it....
I've been in difficult situations, can defend myself quite well, believed in condoms & safe sex since forever, have been tested many times (even before DADT as I was sure he was getting elsewhere & not telling, but everything came back clean, we spoke afterwards, and he's not, I believe him)

Yes, the "why now" is twofold
Mostly acknowledgement of me as a growing loving entity
I don't feel shame much, but I do feel guilt
We're so open on everything else, why should I hide my sexuality? My need for intimacy? Am I supposed to feel... shame?... dirty?... because normally the guy wants and he girl doesn't? (not saying this is true, I personally don't believe this but many do - good girls don't kinda thing I suppose)

I love him, believe he loves me
But without physical intimacy, from him directly, or with his willingness to investigate poly with me (with or without sexual participation)...
Well then, I'm at a loss as to what to do really
I don't want to hide/lie..... It not in my nature
And I don't think I should be "prohibited" growth because he's uncomfortable
But how to help him "digest" this, join even, to whatever level he's comfortable with.... That's the riddle I'm faced with
And it's either figure out the answer to this riddle or we'll be having unpleasant onversations on how to divide 20 years of living....
He knows this too, no worries, as mentioned we do talk
But when it comes to sex/physical intimacy conversations; I talk and he gets upset, changes the subject, leaves the room... avoid/distracts/negates... heck, he pouts & gives me the the silent treatment (which is funny as I like quiet so it doesn't bother me... he knows this & it gets him going even more)
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