Thank you very much. I agree that he really can't have a clear idea of how much time it will take. The same way, I can't be sure how long it will take me to let go of my negative feelings. I can estimate based on the progress I'm making, but thats about it.
I guess one of my worries is that he will deal with his issues first, and then will have to wait for me to deal with mine. I don't know how long is reasonable to ask him to wait.
I think that it is definitely good for us to both figure out how long it is worth waiting. I know he has said he is willing to wait years if thats what it takes, but then, I think that he also doesn't realize quite how emotionally difficult that could be. I'm not sure how long I'm willing to wait, and thats something I hope I can discover through talking about it more, with him, and on here. I don't worry about putting my life on hold though. We both have other friends, hobbies, and so on that we are pursuing. I have other partners, and we both have the potential to look for other partners. We also have some interests we share and enjoy together as friends. I think he has more work he needs to do on himself to make things work, and that might take more time from his outside life, so it might be putting his life on hold in a small way, but not completely. On my side of things, there isn't a lot of actual daily time that I need to devote just to trying to work out my negativity. I think thats something that will come with time, and with building happier memories through our friendship. Its more of a passive thing for me, I can think myself in circles trying to make it happen faster, but in the end its just a matter of having positive moments together, letting time make distance between the bad memories, and watching him change into someone more trustworthy and better at communicating.