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Old 08-30-2012, 10:03 PM
JaneQSmythe JaneQSmythe is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Pennsyl-tucky
Posts: 1,868

Originally Posted by GalaGirl View Post
But she INSISTS on talking in person. I don't see what talking in person covers that cannot be done by phone. So be on guard for her throwing herself emotionally or sexually at you. It sounds horrible -- but let's keep it real.
GG - as always, I agree with much of the excellent advise that you have given.

However, I just wanted to point out, as an aside to the rest of the conversation, that some people, myself included, are not at all adept at holding a significant conversation by telephone. Social psychology suggests that up to 2/3rd of communication takes place through non-verbal (usually visual) communication. Apparently many people are able to adjust for this when communicating by a strictly verbal medium - I am not (I think this is because I am a very visual person).

Personally, I can pretty much only have only "information delivery" type of conversations on the telephone - "Leaving the office." "Do we need milk?" etc. (which I mainly use txting for now as I HATE talking on the phone). Anything that involves any kind of emotion or nuanced understanding...nope. I can barely understand what people are trying to say, constantly misinterpret intention, and often feel like I am not getting my point across because I can't see all of those "body language" cues that tell me that someone is hearing what I am saying and let me know how they are feeling about the words that THEY are saying.

If I am not able to talk to someone face-to-face I find writing to be a MUCH better substitute than a phone conversation...IF the other person is adept at communicating via the written word as well.

I am not saying that Panda should not be on guard against the types of manipulation that can happen when someone is physically present - just that not all of us are as capable of handling important conversations without being able to SEE the person we are talking to. (MrS teases me all of the time because I "talk with my hands" even when on the phone, when we are on the phone he can envision just what hand motions I am using to make my point, maybe this is why he is one of the only few people I can actually talk to on the phone- perhaps I should learn to Skype?)

Jane("Non-verbal Communicator")Q

PS. Dude is pretty much the opposite of me. He can ONLY hear the words that are said and can't interpret tone or body language AT ALL. He can't tell when he is making someone bored or uncomfortable or tell what effect his words are having on another person (which is really uncomfortable for me to watch in public settings)- I think that he has some degree of Asperger's. I have had to learn to adjust my communication style to meet his needs, someday I am tempted to try to teach him how to hear what people aren't saying (I'm told that this is a skill that can actually be learned/developed).
JaneQ(Me): poly bi female, in an "open-but-not-looking" V-plus with -
MrS: hetero polyflexible male, live-in husband (25+ yrs)
Dude: hetero poly male, live-in boyfriend (7+ yrs) and MrS's BFF
SLeW: platonic hetero girlfriend and BFF
MrClean: hetero mono male, almost lover-friend to me, FWBs to SLeW, friends with MrS
+ "others" = FBs, FWBs, lover-friends, platonic G/BFs, boytoys, etc.

My poly blogs here:
The Journey of JaneQSmythe
The Notebook of JaneQSmythe
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