input...
Thank you for the input - I think that this whole "experience" has made me feel more of an object to him rather than a person who has feelings and needs as well. We have been together for 13 years - i never really dated before meeting him as I was just 19 years old so I have more or less "trained" It is my fault for allowing that to happen I realize now. I just so much wanted to make him happy that now - I am unsure if he wants me to be happy since my main focus has been his happiness and not my own.
Perhaps the timing was wrong to have this V of a relationship - or perhaps it happened for a reason - maybe that reason is for me to finally stand up to him and tell him what I feel I should be able to have - emotionally physically and what I am and am not comfortable with.
This I think though is why I am openly Bi now after many years of suppressing it because I realize that it doesn't matter if I am with a man or a woman I just need to know that it is committed and that it is a partnership....
Only time will tell what will happen....but it feels so good to be able to vent and put everything out there and to have input given to me because I think sometimes we wrap ourselves up inside our own little worlds that we don't fully understand what is happening. It is nice to have a group of people I can connect with on all of these feelings that I am having. Goodness knows that i can not talk to my friends about any of this.....they do not understand how I can let my husband date....and they judge me and him....
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