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Old 08-30-2012, 04:48 PM
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Originally Posted by Panda View Post
She can't understand why I can only be with one person. I can't understand why she needs open relationships. She says she and her GF have never had a problem with each of them having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people. She says it means they're secure in their relationship to know that it's solid. I say that just makes me another sex toy with money. So if she's just wanting me for my money and sex, I don't understand her way of living.
Hi Panda,
I'm Mono and my partner is Poly, and believe me, while we connect quite closely on a number of things (and seem to "share a brain" fairly often), we really did NOT understand how the other thought/felt about relationships, and I believe we both made some assumptions that made communication extremely difficult. It took time for us to both realize that, even if we don't Grok where the other is coming from, that it truly is a difference in how we love, and not a desire to use anyone or be selfish on his end, nor a self-imposed restriction on mine.

She and her GF may not have any issues, but that doesn't invalidate the fact that you do (and others might), and it doesn't make what you're feeling "wrong". And her desire to have multiple relationships doesn't necessarily mean she's "using" anyone. If she is Poly, then yes, she may truly love the both of you.

I urge you both to take a lot of time communicating and trying to understand the other's point of view, whether or not you end up as a "couple" - it could be quite valuable to the both of you to have a close friend who understands the other (as much as you possibly can).
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