Thank you so much
Wow, I'm so thankful to you lovely people for responding and helping me. As a person who isn't poly I didn't know what to expect coming to a poly forum, if people would tell me to just try it and I might like it or what, but I want to say that you have made me feel welcome and comfortable and much better about myself and my situation. *panda hugs*
So I read all the advice, thought about things and called my girlfriend. I told her how I felt, that I didn't understand exactly what poly was and that I wished she'd told me what it was instead of just vaguely alluding to it and leaving me to research what it was. I also told her I was hurt and embarrassed to have to find out on twitter that she was still in the relationship with the other girl.
She started crying and at first I thought "OMG, I've hurt her, now I have to backtrack and say it's ok" but then I remembered what you all said and I just let her cry until she was done. When I didn't respond to her crying she stopped and told me she was sorry.
She did say that she would never give up her girlfriend though. So I suggested that maybe she should not come here this weekend. Not because I'm angry but because it seems that we want very different things in life. That maybe we need to reevaluate our relationship before taking it further.
She then said that her girlfriend is in another province so I don't have to worry about her having intimacy with the girl. Well, to me that is not really the issue, the issue is that if I plan a life around her but she's not into the same plan then it is just silly to pretend.
So she insists on still coming here. We are going to talk when she's here. I talked to my mom about it. My mom and I are very close, like best friends. Mom is picking her up at the bus tomorrow and will talk to her before I get there. She really likes my mom and relates to her so I think this will be good. My mom has been mentoring her on how to get a job (she's kinda lazy and sometimes doesn't get up til noon) and mom has told her that looking for a job IS a full time job and she seems to be listening, so hopefully she listens to my mom about relationship stuff too. My mom is open minded and not judgmental so she can see both sides but of course she will look out for me first.
So I've decided that I will not have any sexual intimacy with my girlfriend if we still have lifestyle incompatibility. Sex is special to me. I've waited this long for the right girl, and if my GF is not the one then I will continue to wait. I can love her without sex. I have so far.
She says she's a very sexual person and that's why she wants to be poly. To me it seems she just wants a lot of experimental sex. She's had sex with quite a few people already, even just casually with no relationship, and seems to look at sex as a pastime whereas I look at it as a special thing to share only with a girl I want a future with.
I will not be a sex toy. If I wanted to I could have had sex with many girls. I've had lots of girls (and guys) hitting on me since I was 14 or so. But I always said no. I think I belong in a different era. I'm weird, I know. But I'm ok with being weird. It's who I am.
So she will arrive tomorrow afternoon, my mom will pick her up and take her to our place and have some wine and chats. Wine should make it easier for my GF to talk I think. I'm buying her favorite kind, and some snacks that she likes.
I will text my mom before I get home to see what's up. Hopefully it will have gone well.
I won't get home until about 3 hours after she arrives.
Then I will take my GF out for dinner and we can talk just the 2 of us.
I know that we may end up just good friends and cuddle buddies, but I would rather have that and know that's all it can ever be if she insists that she needs open relationships than have my heart destroyed by trying to make something work that can never be. At least I hope I'm strong enough to carry out my plan.
She can't understand why I can only be with one person. I can't understand why she needs open relationships. She says she and her GF have never had a problem with each of them having romantic or sexual relationships with multiple people. She says it means they're secure in their relationship to know that it's solid. I say that just makes me another sex toy with money. So if she's just wanting me for my money and sex, I don't understand her way of living.
Sigh...,...,being an adult is hard. I think I should just stick with loving my cats. Haha, not really but at least it's safe.
Thank you for listening to me and for helping me. I have a lot of thinking and decisions to make this weekend. I appreciate your help, understanding and support. I need to be strong.
Last edited by Panda; 08-30-2012 at 04:35 PM.