ON ABUSE AGAIN
I am sad today. The same friend is struggling so. The ones I think Opened without enough framework. That is one kind of problem. To do it from a rocky relationship just augments the trouble. Because that kind of thing never turns out well. Opening from a non-stable place just magnifies all the cracks that were there all along. It's not going to fix them.
Worse they had some serious problems!
Friend grieves. Things got weird, ugly, abusive.
Communities like swinging, polamory, BDSM, etc -- most of the time you can meet the nicest people. But the nature of the thing is such that it will also attract some really messed up people, some predator people. Gives ethical swing, poly, and kink folks a bad name and a bad taste in their mouth to come across people flying under false colors.
Abuse is real. And choosing silence does not help the victim. It only helps the abuser.
As a friend? I do not judge. I just listen. I encourage turning to local aid where needed -- lawyer/therapists for the mind bucket, doctor/shelters for the body bucket, counselor/friends/outlets for the heart bucket, minister for the spirit bucket perhaps. When it is too hard to think as a Whole Person it is sometimes easier to think about tending each bucket in turn -- mental health, physical health, emotional health, and spiritual health. To help you keep putting one foot after the other so you can keep moving it forward even in baby steps.
But my own heart is heavy and grieves that this has to happen at all.
And in Opening Up conversations of my own it begs the question...
"Hey, DH. What if one of our Spice is a nutjob? What if we're too NRE blind to see it right away? How would you help me to protect me?"
But we are both much too drained with the drama around here to go there on that one tonight.
Perhaps tomorrow will be better -- especially for our hurting friend.