- I assumed that this relationship was in the past
- Now I see my girlfriend talking online about how she's polyamorous. She tells people she has a boyfriend and a girlfriend. She talks about it as if the other girl is definitely still a romantic and sexual partner, or will be when the other girl moves here where we are.
- Big problem. I don't want to be in a poly relationship with her and the other girl.
Now you have learned NOT to assume in relationships.
You have learned to ask for details and to ask what your partner is seeking.
You have learned to state very clearly what YOU are seeking.
You have learned when things come up -- you need to go to your partner and go -- "so wassup with....?"
So catch it up NOW before you go further. Speak your truth and clearly state your wants, needs, and limits. Ask her what she wants, needs, and what are her limits.
And if it isn't a match up, part ways. Fast and CLEAN. Then see about being good friends as exes.
You BOTH deserve happiness in the way you want your relationships to come. You are also both young.
Life is long, and it isn't all pinned on your first serious relationship though it may feel intense. It can be -- but sometimes it's largely because it is the first time these things are felt. You gain perspective over time... and really? It's all going to be ok. You always get to learn new things in your relationships and it helps you to grow in relationship skills. So it isn't a loss -- you become more YOU.
Just remember to Speak Your Truth so you can sort yourselves out.
It is nobody's fault it's not a matching. That is WHY it is dating. Seekers are seeking.
Hang in there!