Thank you for your reply Sneacali.
I see that I didn't explain myself well at all in the first statement you mention.
What I mean is that I would hope that the person with whom I choose to be intimate with would want the same sort of relationship that I do, that we would be committed and possibly in the future consider marriage and a maybe a child.
So if it ended up that my first time was with someone who didn't feel able to at least think of this as a possibility then it would kind of not be a good thing for me.
Not that I can't feel special if she loves the other girl, but that I would feel bad if I was just "another person" and not the only person she would be intimate with. If her relationship with the other girl is friendly love I'm great with it, but if it's still sexual then I'm not comfortable with it.
Not to be disrespectful to people who are poly, I have nothing against it, it's just not for me. Like I don't care for football but I have nothing against people who do and I respect them.
I also did not communicate well about my feelings with her and the other girl.
I'm very confused right now. Very very confused. Sorry.
I could not be romantic with the other girl, no, but also I could not handle if we did end up married or living together and she wanted the other girl to move in with us and she wanted to be with the girl intimately, even if it was without me.
I'm just a confused mess. I only found out about the polyamory this week, by reading her tweets on the internet. We haven't spoken about it and I'm just nervous about how to bring it up without hurting her and I am also sad that this may end the relationship that she and I have.
When I said I'm an old fashioned gentleman I mean I want the regular relationship thing. One girl, hopefully forever, a family and that sort of thing. To be a couple. Nothing to do with religion, I'm agnostic. Just my personal ideas of what I want for my life.
I guess that's why she's my first real relationship. Most girls these days don't want that. Sad face. They want to be casual. Or, something new I just learned, some are poly.
I guess I have a lot to learn about relationships.
Thank you for your help.