Thank you Musical Rose.
Yes, I did not understand what pansexual or polyamory was so when I said ok I didn't know what I was saying ok to. But I really thought from what she said that she and the other girl were in the past.
I thought that she and I were now a couple. Now from what she says to the other girl online I see that they're still together, so what am I? 5th wheel? I know I would never want any romance with the other girl, she's a good friend but there are no other feelings.
And I know that I feel so hurt thinking of my girlfriend being intimate with another person. Even though I know with poly that she can love both of us, it just doesn't seem, at least at this time, like something I can handle.
As I mentioned this is my first real relationship, I want my first time sexually to be special. Maybe old fashioned for a guy but I'm an old fashioned gentleman even though I'm only 20.
She's staying the weekend so I think this is something I have to talk to her about when she first arrives. Otherwise I will be too stressed all weekend.
I really love her, and I know I have to prepare myself for the worst case, that she will say that she will always want other intimate relationships and can't be exclusive to me. Sigh...
Thank you for listening and for your advice.