Do you think that your wife would be willing to pick up and move across the country for a relationship with a woman that may or may not work out?
I am also not trying to be pessimistic, but it really doesn't look like the cards are falling in your favor for this particular relationship. Your lover doesn't seem to be willing to explore any options optimistically, and the only solutions seem to be drastic and something that would require a long time and a lot of planning.
All of this is for someone you haven't even met in person yet. It isn't impossible, but it really looks improbable that this is going to work out in any kind of easy way and it may not work at all.